2007年9月18日 星期二
I like living at home
In this new semester, I am still living at home instead of living in the dormitory or outside. By the way, I take a train to school everyday. And it takes me about twenty five minutes to get to school. Therefore, sometimes I have to wake up very early in order to catch the train or attend my class on time . I like living at home. But sometimes I also wanted to be more independent, too. Well , I think there is no one can possibly sure that living at home is better than living outside.
訂閱：
張貼留言 (Atom)
1 則留言:
"In this new semester," ==> "This semester,". You don't need "in" or "new"; they are extra words that add nothing to your sentence. We call that "verbosity". "Verbose" means "too many words". This is a writing and speaking crime.
"By the way,": This is good Japanese style and may be good Chinese style -- I don't know -- but it's not good English style. It is used to introduce something that is not very important, but this introduces a topic that comprises at least half of your post. That means that it's not "by the way".
"sometimes I also wanted to be" ==> "sometimes I want to be". I imagine that this desire is still around, so use the present tense.
"Well , I think there is no one can possibly sure" ==> "Well, I think no one can possibly be sure".
I think your post lacks a conclusion. I'm not satisfied. I want to read something like ""so I'll make the best of my current living situation and learn to be more independent after I graduate. I'll still be young enough."
Good, clear point, though.
張貼留言